[[ life, less ]]

Friday, August 01, 2008

______________________________

everything's going perfectly well even after dinner with everyone. yet just when im grateful for this period of time where he's by my side with all other colleagues, planning to have some drinks at a pub, his phone rang and i knew the girl called again.

just who is she to you? i think as your girlfriend, i have the right to know. and why am i always the one who have to act like nothing happened when something seems to be going on between you and other girls? its always the same old words from you that you never ever bother to spare a thought for my feelings and since being with you is such a painful thing, why would i still choose to be with you. you simply dont understand, the reason is very simple cos i love you and im not going to let go of this relationship just because of this. the reason is because i treasure this relationship unlike you. since you're always so unwilling to say anything, cant be bothered to explain anything to me to make me feel assured, im going to find it out myself. i just dont understand why is it so hard for you just to give assurance to me.

now, you blame me for calling her. i did not tell her that im your girlfriend for more than one year, i just wanted to know if she liked you and she did. whats worse, you ever told her that you liked her too. till this point of time then you tell me all along you only had me in your heart and there's alot of definition for the word 'like'? i simply dont understand how you can say you liked her when you says im the only one in your heart all along? just because you thinks that she's very understanding whereas i dont understand you a single bit even after more than one year? so the very next minute you told me we're over. not because you liked her but because i dont understand you and always ask so many questions. everyone's been asking me to understand their feelings and situations, its not that i didnt but did anyone ever try to understand my feelings and situations? all i ever wanted is you to share everything with me, be it good or bad cos it simply hurts me to see you so troubled. its true im of no help but i just wanted to be a listening ear, and im pretty sure that i'll always be there whenever you needed someone. im not using tears to bring you back but tears just keep flowing, and you appeared emotionless and monotonous.

great, let you misunderstand me even more. its so unfair. just by calling her yesterday night, i had done a 'great' favor to myself by losing you. would i be so stupid to call her again just to make you hate me even more? twice she called my cell, twice i took my phone out of the room to answer her calls. first i confessed that im your one year long girlfriend. second, she couldnt reach you so she called, telling me she's returning to malaysia soon and wish to speak to you. i think im being magnanimous enough to pass my phone to you, neither did i f*** her or warn her for calling you. but the next thing you did after putting down the phone was to shoot an angry and disgusted face at me asking if i called her again. do i really deserve all these? god knows what she'd told you and you would rather believe someone like her whom you knew for few months instead of a girl who used to be your girlfriend for more than one year? doesnt seem like you understand me either.

[[ cheers ]] |11:00 PM|