[[ life, less ]]

Saturday, August 16, 2008

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what ah soon says is right and talking to him does make me feel better too.

just when your morale is very low and you're feeling like the world had let you down, disappointed and when everyone had let you down too, no doubt that family and friends are important but cutting all the connections, leave here and get a change of environment is the wise choice. and thats what it meant by starting all over again.
anyway im already planning to leave here for awhile, hopefully as soon as possible.

its been hard, i just cant help but think that im always hanging around with a bunch of hypocrites. i've been a fool in front of everyone else when they actually knew whats going on. i should understand that they are not in any position to voice out cos in a relationship, outsiders cant say much. its just so hilarious when i come to think of it, im the only one hidden in the dark about whats happening around me. and it just hurts so much when i truly treat everyone like friends instead of plainly colleagues.

just in one week. at first, i got to know a very good sister of mine turning to something which none of us should.
the second day, the one who lifted me so high up in the sky and just let go of his hand suddenly, the one who made me fall.
the third day, the one who's always there for me when im feeling down turned to that as well. so what's new to me? just as the next day would be better, things gotten worse again.

he, who's always there for me actually told me that we need to give time another chance to heal feelings inside us and thinks that he can do it, why not me. and if we were to try hard enough together, we can overcome lots of obstacles. in fact, thats what i used to believe in, that as long as both sides keep trying, they can overcome all obstacles but ended up im always the one who's been trying. but what do i get? time and time again there's only disappointment. give time the chance to heal all feelings? then does time or anyone else gives me the chance? apparently not. all along im being naive, this world and time is cruel, they'll only let one live in regret and doesnt gives any chance to start all over again and only let one live in memories. anyway, time and time i've been hoping, till finally even faith left me.

i've learnt not to expect much cos the higher the expectation, the greater the disappointment, the harder the fall and hurts even more. i give up, what will come next? sitting by, waiting for the next present to come knocking on my door. i think i can handle it quite well? just by feeling numb.

[[ cheers ]] |2:20 AM|