[[ life, less ]]

Friday, August 01, 2008

______________________________

yesterday night, my tiring and dramatic life movie had ended. bruised and hurt but i unable to let go. i tried to save it from ending, but the reaction i'd received is so emotionless. this min he can say all along he only had me in his heart but the next min what i hear is that he couldnt be soft hearted anymore and so this is it.

"after a year and what do you understand bout me?" this sentence had been repeating itself in my mind and what i wanted to tell you is that i do understand you. you're such an introvert who keeps everything to yourself. my only mistake is that i had asked so much which makes you so unhappy and uncomfortable being with me. but i couldnt just stand and look at you, wondering what's in your mind, troubled with your case maybe? all along i just hoped that you'll at least share your troubles with me yet you'll always leave me guessing on my own. the more i tried to show more concern for you, all the more you'll drift away from me. you're always the one who rejected all my good intentions, and im always the one who's been trying to make things better and back to how we used to be.

you're an unpredictable storm, sometimes cold yet sometimes hot. how am i supposed to adapt to your temperamental behavior? or even a split personality? just when im already getting used to your ignorance towards me. definitely i dont feel good bout this, but since that's what you want then that's how it shall be.

maybe on that week when he went for reservice, i should have stand firm on my idea of sending his pets back to his home and end this relationship, maybe i wouldnt have been hurt so badly and he's happy. all along i should have admit to the signs of his coldness towards me, when he said he didnt even know if he still or ever loves me. how i spend every hard days is by living on the past memories which the fonder the memories, the harder it is to let go. always hoping everything will turn out better. like what keith says, all along im aware of it but i've been living my life in denial which nothing matters anymore so long as he's by my side and which i can forgo bout everything else too. i've cried so badly in front of him, holding him as he pulled his arm away and he doesnt even look me in the eyes, its definitely obvious to the core yet i still refused to admit to it.

and now, he left after painting my room for me. i've been crying unknowingly.
just when you've decided to settle, to be with your other half for the rest of your life, thats when you find it harder to accept when he's gone the next min. i always thought i had him, but now he's no longer mine to keep. in fact, few months ago, he's no longer mine.

[[ cheers ]] |8:00 PM|