[[ life, less ]]

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

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6 months since. and indeed so many things can happen in 6 months. im glad i left him, totally this time. i moved on, far from him and we're no longer in contact.

some days back in early march, when we quarrelled big time. thats the day when senses really knocked me hard in my head. that you dont deserve my love at all. 'if you were to ask if i still loved you, the answer is no. the feeling is dead' i think i'll remember this sentence from you forever. as a reminder for myself and definitely not how you tried to hurt me with it. i didnt grieve over this break up, im not sad although i did miss you at times (at that time but not now anymore) since you dont appreciate me at all, why should i stay? why make my life so hard?

there's a guy who's always there for me. a guy who's always willing to listen to my woes and cheer me up each time you made me sad. a guy who came all the way from tampines just to see that im okay. each time you hurled abusive words at me, thinking im shit and nothing but this guy here, who thinks im as precious as a gem. this guy whom i hurt so deeply becos of a boy like you.

i hurt him by going back to you. i hurt him by making all his efforts to make me happy go wasted. i broke his heart totally, leaving him all by himself, shunning him in order to make you happy. but you're never happy. and im never happy going back to you either, cos i betrayed my very self, betrayed my character making the wrong step, wrong step of going back to you. you'll only see my lies and blinded to the reason why i came back to you. i forgo a guy with everything for a boy with nothing. the boy is you! how is it possible that a guy who only knew me for a few months know me inside out? more than you, who knew me for 2 and a half years do.

thousands of apologies can never make up for what i've done to him. i felt so sorry and sad yet he, despite being the actual hurt one, smiled and consoled me. saying he knew i didnt mean to make such mistake. then he clubs and drinks to keep his mind away from thinking and his brother told me he's like a lifeless soul at home since. days goes by and he started to avoid my calls. this cold treatment is almost unbearable! he ever said he'll be my guardian angel but this guardian angel now is ignoring me. i almost lost him for good. i only realised what i've lost and learnt to appreciate him and all he'd done for me. his cold treatment didnt last for long and we're back in contact again.

some days back in mid march, he knew about the breakup. and told me he wants me back again. but he's too afraid of history repeating itself therefore no actions done. he didnt come by as often as last time, all the last times now seem so far, so hard. i thought that all arent coming back to me again and i almost gave up. i felt us drifting and he had his reasons for doing so. i cant blame him either, cos all are created by my very own hands. i can only wait cos he says time will prove everything. so i waited, i want him to see that im very sure of my decision now and i want him to trust me once again.

it took me so much to set everything right again. now my life is back on track. this wonderful guy who made my life so perfect and i want to spend the rest of my life with him. happily.. this wonderful guy, my perfect love, my oscar tsang.

3 jun-6 jun 10. once again, our genting-ipoh roadtrip with few of our friends and i found all the memories we had last year. 12 sept 09 the night when i knew him in power house and a daring me, who went ipoh with him just one month later without 2nd thoughts on 23-26 oct 09.

[[ cheers ]] |10:00 PM|